The awards season is once more upon us. Just as we feel we have finally seen the back of it for another year, it seems to come around again even quicker with each revolution. You might say they appear with the tedious inevitability of an unloved season.

Razzies

A harbinger of the awful Oscars is the ass-twitchingly unfunny Razzies. Basically, like a prank that has got way, way out of hand, the nation that brought the world Curb Your Enthusiasm, Seinfeld, and Rick And Morty somehow allowed this to happen.

But happen it does, so we wearily drag our carcasses off the couch to report on it. The short version is that Andrew Dominick’s Marilyn Monroe biopic Blonde, the Sony-Marvel comic adaptation Morbius, and (checks notes) Tom Hanks (???) were the winners at the (checks notes again) 43rd annual Golden Raspberry Awards (43 years? Fucking hell).

Blonde took the top prize of Worst Picture along with the Worst Screenplay honor for Dominik’s script.

Morbius snagged Worst Actor for Jared Leto’s leading role. Adria Arjona got Worst Supporting Actress for the same.

Machine Gun Kelly (who?) & Mod Sun won Worst Director for Good Mourning.

Hanks got two awards for Elvis. Worst Supporting Actor and Worst Screen Combo. The latter was for Hanks and his latex face as Col. Tom Parker. Oh Razzies, stop it! Seriously. Just stop it.

Razzies

The awards had some minor controversy. Ryan Kiera Armstrong, the 12-year-old star of the Blumhouse remake Firestarter, had her nomination for Worst Actress rescinded after online reactions accused them of bullying a child. The awards committee publicly apologized, changed the rules to disallow anyone under 18, and put themselves up in the category instead.

The Razzies ended up winning Worst Actress.

Colin Farrell won the award for previous Razzie winners (Alexander) who regain respect (The Banshees of Inisherin Oscar nomination).

You expect the Oscars to be a teeth-grindingly awful cringe-fest, but if you are going to mock them then at least try and make it funny. The Razzies remain about as edgy as a circle.

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