I’ve never seen Ice Road Truckers, it looks boring, people driving over ice, in trucks…boring. Well, now you can look forward to Liam Neeson driving over ice, in…

Ice Road Truckers: The Movie

The Ice Road stars Neeson, Lawrence Fishburne, Amber Midthunder, Holt McCallany, Benjamin Walker and Marcus Thomas. It is written and directed by Jonathan Hensleigh, who hasn’t directed much, but has written Die Hard With A Vengeance, The Saint, Armageddon, The Punisher, Next, Kill The Irishman, a mixed bag of movies in there.

The story is as per the trailer, a diamond mine in the far north of Canada has a collapse and the only hope of rescue is to drive a big-rig with a drill thing to help them out. That’s it in a nutshell, there is more, but I’ll spoiler it later.

We find Mike McCann (Neeson) and his brother Gurty (Thomas) work at a trucking company, Mike is the driver, Gurty is the mechanic. We learn that Gurty was in Iraq (I think) and he was injured which means he’s now got learning difficulties… at the garage where they work, one of the other drivers calls him a ‘retard’ and Mike punches the guy out, because, he’s super tough, which may come into play later! Both Mike and Gurty are fired, again.

Jim Goldenrod (Fishburne) is going to lead a team of three trucks to deliver the drill things, (Wellheads they are called) and they need three of them. I kind of missed why they needed three of them, it turns out there are three trucks coz, duh duh duh, someone is going to die on the way up, which you see coming a mile away! Mike and Gurty apply to help out with the drive and get the job.

Joining the guys is Tantoo (Midthunder) is a token female – who is also a Native American Indian – so all the boxes are ticked. She has a past with Jim, he has to bail her out of jail to get her to drive, this shows she’s ‘edgy’.

One thing that was odd about her was, she has two very distinctive moles on her face, but during the movie, they seem to move from one side of her head to the other, obviously, where the image was flipped… you’d think someone would have noticed, but I guess most of the continuity people were asleep by now with boredom.

Also on the drive is an insurance actuary Varnay (Walker), working for the company and making sure everything goes smoothly… or so we are lead to believe, in another crappy set-up!

Each of the three trucks has Bobble Heads on the dash, this is so the driver can see if there are any unusual vibrations in the ice. I didn’t know that and this was the most interesting thing about the entire movie.

* Spoilers From This Point On *

Jim’s truck starts to overheat, it breaks down, the ice breaks and the truck starts to slip into the ice, with Jim attached to it. I think Larry knew how crappy the script was and asked to be killed off. As I said, the set-up, with the three trucks, you could pretty much guess someone was going to die and Larry won and got to go home early.

Now, with only two trucks, they managed to jackknife and flip them both, but both are flipped back up. I would have guessed that modern trucks would have something like this, but I did laugh that it seemed Liam slipped into Qui-Gon Jinn for a moment and used the Force to lift up the trucks, and the incredibly heavy cargo.

Anyways, Varnay accuses Tantoo of fiddling with Jim’s truck, Mike believes him and they tie her up and carry on. As the journey goes on, we learn that it’s Varnay who is the saboteur and he tries to kill Mike and Gurty,  in an ‘I’ll do this and assume they die’ type of way. We learn why Varnay is doing what he’s doing and why, it’s basically about money and the company cutting corners. Shocker!

* End Of Spoilers *

The third act just gets silly, predictable and dull. You see every ‘surprise’ coming and the end is exactly what you expect! The script for the entire thing is dull, boring and just not worth the effort.

I said in my review of The Marksman, that Liam is just putting these movies out, one after the other, like a photocopier… this is the same thing ‘old man Neeson, action movie… this time on ice’.

All of the cast are better than this and you can tell that each one of them is literally just doing their lines, speaking their dialogue and getting their cheques for it at the end of the day. It’s a real shame.

When I looked up the movie, I clicked on Liam’s profile on IMDb and it seems he has about 4 other movies due out, all the same thing! I can’t see anything good in his future. I would really like to see him break the mould and do something that shows what a great actor he can be.

I also have to mention the CG in this. In the opening there are establishing shots of the diamond mine, some of the CG was cheap, and I mean really cheap! At one point a truck looked like a Tonka toy, in a CG backdrop.

I’m guessing most of the money went on the cast, but not the computer department or the script. The rest of the CG, throughout the entire thing, is bad, in one of the dramatic scenes near the ending, I laughed at how bad it looked and was executed.

Overall, 0.5 out of 5 stars, dull, predictable and another Neeson ’action’ flick, that’s just a waste of time.

The Ice Road is streaming on Netflix.

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