Ahhh, awards ceremonies. Oscars, Emmy Awards, whatever. Just like the Met Gala, an opportunity for elites to strut and peacock around like the citizens of the Capitol in The Hunger Games, with their silly clothes and overly coiffured hair. Unaware that we are pointing and laughing at them. Sometimes it is enough to make you want to volunteer as tribute, revolt, and start an insurrection.

But I am hungry and have not had coffee yet this morning, so that will have to wait. So instead we will just share the results of the latest vacuous back-slapping waste of a good target. The Television Academy Awards, A.K.A. the Emmy Awards, has held their 73rd awards and they were hosted by one who deigns to call himself Cedric “The Entertainer” – I think we will be the judge of that.

The Crown dominated the drama series category, with Ted Lasso and Hacks also putting in a strong showing at the Emmy awards this year, with The Queen’s Gambit and Mare of Easttown. Hilariously, Hulu’s The Handmaid’s Tale made history by losing all 21 of its nominations. A record! When you have finished laughing at that, here are the rest of the results of the Emmy Awards that we have copied and pasted here with all the disdain we can muster.

Limited series

WINNER: “The Queen’s Gambit”
“I May Destroy You”
“Mare of Easttown”
“The Underground Railroad”
“WandaVision”

Drama series

WINNER: “The Crown”
“The Boys”
“Bridgerton”
“The Handmaid’s Tale”
“Lovecraft Country”
“The Mandalorian”
“Pose”
“This Is Us”

Comedy series

WINNER: “Ted Lasso”
“black-ish”
“Cobra Kai”
“Emily in Paris”
“The Flight Attendant”
“Hacks”
“The Kominsky Method”
“PEN15″

Variety special (prerecorded)

WINNER: “Hamilton”
“Bo Burnham: Inside”
“David Byrne’s American Utopia”
“8:46 — Dave Chappelle”
“Friends: The Reunion”
“A West Wing Special to Benefit When We All Vote”

Variety special (Live)

WINNER: “Stephen Colbert’s Election Night 2020: Democracy’s Last Stand Building Back America Great Again Better 2020″
“Celebrating America – An Inauguration Night Special”
“The 63rd Annual Grammy Awards”
“The Oscars”
“The Pepsi Super Bowl LV Halftime Show Starring The Weeknd”

Lead actor, drama

WINNER: Josh O’Connor, “The Crown”
Sterling K. Brown, “This Is Us”
Jonathan Majors, “Lovecraft Country”
Regé-Jean Page, “Bridgerton”
Billy Porter, “Pose”
Matthew Rhys, “Perry Mason”

Lead actress, drama

WINNER: Olivia Colman, “The Crown”
Uzo Aduba, “In Treatment”
Emma Corrin, “The Crown”
Elisabeth Moss, “The Handmaid’s Tale”
Mj Rodriguez, “Pose”
Jurnee Smollett, “Lovecraft Country”

Lead actor, limited series/TV movie

WINNER: Ewan McGregor, “Halston”
Paul Bettany, “WandaVision”
Hugh Grant, “The Undoing”
Lin-Manuel Miranda, “Hamilton”
Leslie Odom Jr., “Hamilton”

Lead actress, limited series/TV movie

WINNER: Kate Winslet, “Mare of Easttown”
Michaela Coel, “I May Destroy You”
Cynthia Erivo, “Genius: Aretha”
Elizabeth Olsen, “WandaVision”
Anya Taylor-Joy, “The Queen’s Gambit”

Writing for a Limited Series, Movie or Drama Special

WINNER: Michaela Coel, “I May Destroy You”
Jac Schaeffer, “WandaVision,” “Filmed Before a Live Studio Audience”
Scott Frank, “The Queen’s Gambit”
Laura Donney, “WandaVision,” “Previously On”
Brad Ingelsby, “Mare of Easttown”
Chuck Hayward and Peter Cameron, “WandaVision,” “All-New Halloween Spooktacular!”

Directing for a Limited Series

WINNER: Scott Frank, “The Queen’s Gambit”
Barry Jenkins, “The Underground Railroad”
Michaela Coel and Sam Miller, “I May Destroy You” (“Ego Death”)
Thomas Kail, “Hamilton”
Sam Miller, “I May Destroy You” (“Eyes Eyes Eyes Eyes”)
Matt Shakman, “WandaVision”
Craig Zobel, “Mare of Easttown”

Competition series

WINNER: “RuPaul’s Drag Race”
“The Amazing Race”
“Nailed It!”
“Top Chef”
“The Voice”

Lead actor, comedy

WINNER: Jason Sudeikis, “Ted Lasso”
Anthony Anderson, “black-ish”
Michael Douglas, “The Kominsky Method”
William H. Macy, “Shameless”
Kenan Thompson, “Kenan”

Lead actress, comedy

WINNER: Jean Smart, “Hacks”
Aidy Bryant, “Shrill”
Kaley Cuoco, “The Flight Attendant”
Allison Janney, “Mom”
Tracee Ellis Ross, “black-ish”

Directing for a comedy series

WINNER: Lucia Aniello, “Hacks” (“There Is No Line (Pilot)”)
Susanna Fogel, “The Flight Attendant” (“In Case of Emergency”)
James Burrows, “B Positive” (“Pilot”)
Zach Braff, “Ted Lasso” (“Biscuits”)
M.J. Delaney, “Ted Lasso” (“The Hope That Kills You”)
Declan Lowney, “Ted Lasso” (“Make Rebecca Great Again”)
James Widdoes, “Mom” (“Scooby-Doo Checks and Salisbury Steak”)

Writing for a comedy series

WINNER: Lucia Aniello, Paul W. Downs and Jen Statsky, “Hacks” (“There Is No Line (Pilot)”)
Jason Sudeikis, Brendan Hunt and Joe Kelly, “Ted Lasso” (“Make Rebecca Great Again”)
Meredith Scardino, “Girls5eva” (“Pilot”)
Steve Yockey, “The Flight Attendant” (“In Case of Emergency”)
Maya Erskine, “PEN15” (“Play”)
Jason Sudeikis, Bill Lawrence, Brendan Hunt and Joe Kelly, “Ted Lasso” (“Pilot”)

Variety sketch series

WINNER: “Saturday Night Live”
“A Black Lady Sketch Show”

Variety talk series

WINNER: “Last Week Tonight With John Oliver”
“The Late Show With Stephen Colbert”
“Conan”
“The Daily Show With Trevor Noah”
“Jimmy Kimmel Live!”

Writing for a variety series

WINNER: “Last Week Tonight with John Oliver”
“The Amber Ruffin Show”
“A Black Lady Sketch Show”
“The Late Show with Stephen Colbert”
“Saturday Night Live”

Supporting actor, drama

WINNER: Tobias Menzies, “The Crown”
Giancarlo Esposito, “The Mandalorian”
O-T Fagbenle, “The Handmaid’s Tale”
John Lithgow, “Perry Mason”
Max Minghella, “The Handmaid’s Tale”
Chris Sullivan, “This Is Us”
Bradley Whitford, “The Handmaid’s Tale”
Michael Kenneth Williams, “Lovecraft Country”

Supporting actress, drama

WINNER: Gillian Anderson, “The Crown”
Helena Bonham Carter, “The Crown”
Madeline Brewer, “The Handmaid’s Tale”
Ann Dowd, “The Handmaid’s Tale”
Aunjanue Ellis, “Lovecraft Country”
Emerald Fennell, “The Crown”
Yvonne Strahovski, “The Handmaid’s Tale”
Samira Wiley, “The Handmaid’s Tale”

Directing for a drama series

WINNER: Jessica Hobbs, “The Crown” (“War”)
Julie Anne Robinson, “Bridgerton” (“Diamond of the First Water”)
Jon Favreau, “The Mandalorian” (“Chapter 9: The Marshal”)
Steven Canals, “Pose” (“Series Finale”)
Benjamin Caron, “The Crown” (“Fairytale”)
Liz Garbus, “The Handmaid’s Tale” (“The Wilderness”)

Writing for a drama series

WINNER: Peter Morgan, “The Crown” (“War”)
Jon Favreau, “The Mandalorian” (“Chapter 16: The Rescue”)
Rebecca Sonnenshine, “The Boys” (“What I Know”)
Yahlin Chang, “The Handmaid’s Tale” (“Home”)
Dave Filoni, “The Mandalorian” (“Chapter 13: The Jedi”)
Misha Green, “Lovecraft Country” (“Sundown”)
Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk, Steven Canals, Janet Mock and Our Lady J, “Pose” (“Series Finale”)

Supporting actor, limited series/TV movie

WINNER: Evan Peters, “Mare of Easttown”
Thomas Brodie-Sangster, “The Queen’s Gambit”
Daveed Diggs, “Hamilton”
Paapa Essiedu, “I May Destroy You”
Jonathan Groff, “Hamilton”
Anthony Ramos, “Hamilton”

Supporting actress, limited series/TV movie

WINNER: Julianne Nicholson, “Mare of Easttown”
Renée Elise Goldsberry, “Hamilton”
Kathryn Hahn, “WandaVision”
Moses Ingram, “The Queen’s Gambit”
Jean Smart, “Mare of Easttown”
Phillipa Soo, “Hamilton”

Supporting actor, comedy

WINNER: Brett Goldstein, “Ted Lasso”
Carl Clemons-Hopkins, “Hacks”
Brendan Hunt, “Ted Lasso”
Nick Mohammed, “Ted Lasso”
Paul Reiser, “The Kominsky Method”
Jeremy Swift, “Ted Lasso”
Kenan Thompson, “Saturday Night Live”
Bowen Yang, “Saturday Night Live”

Supporting actress, comedy

WINNER: Hannah Waddingham, “Ted Lasso”
Aidy Bryant, “Saturday Night Live”
Hannah Einbinder, “Hacks”
Kate McKinnon, “Saturday Night Live”
Rosie Perez, “The Flight Attendant”
Cecily Strong, “Saturday Night Live”
Juno Temple, “Ted Lasso”

Guest actress, drama

WINNER: Claire Foy, “The Crown”
Alexis Bledel, “The Handmaid’s Tale”
Mckenna Grace, “The Handmaid’s Tale”
Sophie Okonedo, “Ratched”
Phylicia Rashad, “This Is Us”

Guest actor, drama

WINNER: Courtney B. Vance, “Lovecraft Country”
Don Cheadle, “The Falcon and the Winter Soldier”
Charles Dance, “The Crown”
Timothy Olyphant, “The Mandalorian”
Carl Weathers, “The Mandalorian”

Guest actress, comedy

WINNER: Maya Rudolph, “Saturday Night Live”
Jane Adams, “Hacks”
Yvette Nicole Brown, “A Black Lady Sketch Show”
Bernadette Peters, “Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist”
Issa Rae, “A Black Lady Sketch Show”
Kristen Wiig, “Saturday Night Live”

Guest actor, comedy

WINNER: Dave Chappelle, “Saturday Night Live”
Alec Baldwin, “Saturday Night Live”
Morgan Freeman, “The Kominsky Method”
Daniel Kaluuya, “Saturday Night Live”
Daniel Levy, “Saturday Night Live”

TV movie

WINNER: “Dolly Parton’s Christmas on the Square”
“Oslo”
“Robin Roberts Presents: Mahalia”
“Sylvie’s Love”
“Uncle Frank”

Why are they called the Emmy Awards? We don’t know, and we don’t care enough to Google it.

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