On this day of national celebration we must not forget our sins. The stench of sin once more infests our online church. It seeps from your pores and your burdens stink up the joint like a webmaster in a Austin, TX theater on a hot day. You must release your burdens, but not as they would.
Instead of fouling your nest so emphatically you must try another release. You must unburden yourself of your shame and your sin. You must confess. For this, and for all your dirty movie secrets, the Last Movie Outpost Confession Booth is here to save you once more. Bare your soul, and only your soul, to the Goddess Gal Gadot as she prepares to judge you.
She must be expecting a lot of sin, as her clothes have fallen off. Must be hot work, dealing with all your disgusting shame. This is why she needs me, the most reverend Reverend as her vessel here on Earth.
Today’s confession deals with your deep, seething, irrational hatred of your fellow human. You cannot control it, you cannot remove it, you must live with it until you confess to it. The confession we will here today is simply this:
Which actor or actress can you simply not stand in a certain performance?
No matter how nice a human they may be, no matter how many other beloved and acclaimed roles they may have under their belt or how much box office they have banked, your hatred of them in a certain role just triggers you like a Gen Z college graduate confronted with a statue. An irrational, Pavlovian response that has you screaming at the screen or reaching for the remote.
Even a man of the cloth can carry a sin, and I have carried a sin for too long. Before I became a follower of the Goddess, and before the Restraining Order came to pass, I too had this irrational hatred.
Tommy Lee Jones as Two Face in Batman Forever. A low point in a low movie. One of the greatest stoic actors of a generation reduced to trying to out ham Jim Carrey? How? Why? It is like the God’s of cinema have forsaken us. Even in a movie that has seemingly got worse with age, his performance is so disruptive it stops the movie dead in its tracks.
I have released. It was good. Now you, too must confess. CONFESS!