My flock, I fear that maybe we were worshipping a false idol. The visitation many of us received from the Goddess, directly into our very homes, on Christmas Day itself was disappointing enough to shake our faith to its core. Wonder Woman 1984 can only be judged to have been the work of a dark power who tricked us into believing. Such a power must take that power from our sins. We must not be confessing hard enough? We must have spent a lot of time having a good, hard sinning instead. A dirty sin. You like it dirty, don’t you?
To save ourselves, our souls and the Goddess herself we must confess like we have never confessed before. Look, she’s clearly crying out for our help.
Today we must confront the reality of our own mortality. The Last Movie Outpost Confession Booth returns to judge our creeping decrepit-ness (is that even a word?) expressed in movie form. OK Grandad, we know movies were better in your day. However sometimes a movie slaps us in the face with our own advancing years and makes us feel old simply by existing. The subject of today’s sin soaked confession is:
Which movie makes you feel hopelessly old?
Regret is a sin, and feeling old makes you regret. Your soul must be saved from sin to free the Goddess from the dark power. I, the most reverend Reverend, will lead the way as I always have. From darkness into the light. The movie that makes me feel old is not some black and white classic. It is GoldenEye. Pierce Brosnan’s first 007 movie and many would argue his best.
I remember going to see it clear as day. I remember the movie theater I went to, who I went with, that it was raining on the drive there. I remember the car I had, what we had for dinner and at which restaurant before the show time. I remember conversations had in the lobby. So it must have been only recent… right? RIGHT?
WRONG! It turns out that this movie is going on 26 years old. 26 years! That’s more than a quarter of a century. That is more than half of my lifetime ago. How the hell did this happen? How did I get so old? Why can’t I get up from the couch without making involuntary noises? Am I going to die soon? Shit! I mean, oh dear.
Well, misery loves company. Now that I am all sad and depressed at the passage of time I feel it is only right that you, my flock, join me here. Which movies make you feel old very suddenly.
You must Confess. CONFESS!