Once more the stench of your cinematic sin reaches unbearable levels. Once more your souls are as heavy as a diabetic’s cookie jar, weighed down with your shame, your guilt! Once more it falls to me, the Last Movie Outpost resident padre, the most reverend Reverend, to fling open my heart, and the doors to the Confession Booth. Step forward and be judged…
And once more the Goddess Gal Gadot stands ready to feat on your sin, and she grows hungry. So hungry that she must be warm, for all her clothes have fallen off. Now I have made a little sin in my cassock.
The topic for today’s Confession Booth comes from something that dawned on me, a revelation, a sledgehammer blow of cinematic sin while reading The Godfather article on our website. My sin, my confession, and my shame is that I have never seen the Godfather all the way through.
I have watched it completely up until the horses head scene and watched many of the famous sequences. I know what happens. I have seen a lot of it in stops and starts. But I have never sat down and just WATCHED it. And I dare to call myself an Outposter? Feast Goddess! Feast on my stinking cinematic sin!
What about you, you disgusting sinners? Today’s confession is this:
Which cinematic touchstone, what unmissable movie, have you never seen?
Do you come here, among us, to wax lyrical about superhero movies when you have never seen Superman: The Movie? Are you one of those strange folk who has never seen Raiders Of The Lost Ark? Oh Goddess, you aren’t one of those bloody millennials who has never seen Star Wars, are you?
Stand in front of your padre, your peers and the Goddess. Enter the Confession Booth and confess… CONFESS!!