So we all drew lots on who was going to watch this and write it up and I lost! So, here’s a review of episode 1 of She-Hulk, the new Marvel series streaming on Disney+. It was actually pretty good and not woke… nah, I’m only joking, this is the worst thing Disney has barfed up to date.
*Spoilers*
I don’t know why I bothered with the tag since no one should be watching it.
We start with Jen talking to the camera, but she’s actually talking to her paralegal and some guy, practicing her closing speech in a case. The guy suggests that he should do the closing speech, but no, he’s not allowed because he’s a man.
There’s then some back and forth between Jen and the other woman and then Jen breaks the fourth wall and talks to the camera, as she did a moment ago, which was confusing for a second.
We jump back to 8 weeks earlier (I think it was) where Jen and Bruce Banner are driving somewhere, I forget where, but it doesn’t matter. They are talking about whether Steve Rogers is a virgin or not. I don’t know about you, but I have always wondered if Captain America had popped his cheery.
I’m pretty disappointed that in all of the Captain America movies his sex life hasn’t come up before, but then, they were written by intelligent and creative people who knew that no one cared. Well, the writers here care.
A spaceship turns up and runs the car off the road and then promptly vanishes in a puff of logic. The car rolls down the hill and Bruce, with a Hulk-Suppression Unit, doesn’t change. So Jen has to save him, because men are weak and women are great.
Some of Bruce’s blood gets into Jen’s bloodstream and so now, she’s a Hulk. Yeah, it’s not a massive blast of gamma rays that turns her, it’s a little bit of blood. Talk about a weak immune system.
Anyway, something happens and Jen runs off as the She-Hulk, I think. She ends up in a girl’s bathroom, where she’s dirty. Not like “did a dirty on the floor”, but covered in mud. A bunch of girls come in and help her out, because women are great.
She ends up outside a bar and a bunch of sleazy, misogynistic, pigs try to get it on with her, because all men are pigs. She changes, only to be saved by Hulk.
The rest of the episode is about Bruce trying to help her control the Hulk inside her, but it turns out she doesn’t have to, since it’s just her being Hulk. It turns out her blood can cure illness and heal people, unlike Bruce’s blood because, you know, he’s a man.
Bruce tries to teach her about her powers, but it’s OK, since she’s already amazing at everything and Hulk just looks like an idiot now. Let’s see, they’ve emasculated Luke, Obi-Wan, Thor, and Captain America, now it’s Hulk’s turn. He’s now not special, or good, or anything, next to her, because, you know, men are stupid and women are great.
There are some comical moments between the two of them, but honestly, it was short-lived.
She finally gets back and is herself and in court. Jameela Jamil turns up in what is the worst way to introduce a bad guy ever. Tatania (Jamil) pauses, while Jen has a moment with her friend and takes off her shoes, because women and shoes, am I right?
There’s not even a fight, but then, it doesn’t matter, since we have no idea who Tatania is anyway. The closing credits are all done in pictures of her as a lawyer, the end.
This was honestly terrible. I know I hate Disney, but I will give them a chance. This was just male bashing. I know Disney has been pushing “the message’” but this was the worst case yet, as far as I could see.
I have already been called a misogynist because I don’t like the show, but then, that’s the world’s thinnest argument when it comes to something like this. For the blue-haired feminists this is a triumph and we are finally seeing a superhero woman and her full potential… as long as we ignore Black Widow, Wonder Woman, Captain Marvell, Supergirl, and Batgirl, OK, so forget about Batgirl, you know, much like DC did.
Obliviously my disdain for this preachy piece of garbage means I’m a horrible man that hates women. I don’t hate all women, I just hate the ones that write this crap and get paid for it! One of the writers, Jessica Gao, has said about writing a story for She-Hulk: Attorney at Law:
“When we got into the writers’ room, inevitably things change as you’re developing the show and as you start writing. And one thing that we all realized very slowly was none of us are that adept at writing, you know, rousing trial scenes.”
Yep, the women that are writing this show are there because they are women, not because they are good writers or anything stupid like that. It’s all about how they have the correct genitalia!
I won’t be writing a review next week unless I lose again, but what did you all make of it? Am I a pig, or am I right?
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