Metal Lords is a new film that feels shat out by Netflix. It’s your basic teen/romcom template. It follows two friends trying to start a metal band. Their goal – to win the upcoming high school Battle Of The Bands. Yup, that old chestnut.


The story follows teen incel Kevin and his headbanger best friend Sylvester. Sylvester wants Kevin to learn to play the drums so they can start a band together. Kevin is indifferent to the idea and just goes along with it for the sake of his pal. He is the typical Gen Z lead in these type of movies. Feckless and innocent to the point of absurdity. Kevin has probably never eaten a steak in his life.  Sylvester is the son of a super-rich plastic surgeon and is spoiled rotten, overbearing, and not liked at all.

Throughout the movie, they get into trouble with the school jocks and hit all the teen comedy highlights – Go to a party and get drunk. Car chase with rich jock kids. Fight. Argue. You know the drill.


The highlight of this film is cellist Emily, a girl Kevin meets. He falls for her and recruits her into the band as the bass player. Emily has some anger issues and isn’t shy about erupting into violent, cussing outbursts. Of course, Emily and Kevin fall in love and end their mutual incel/femcel status. The genre then requires them to have a falling out and then get back together, so no surprises there.

They eventually come together and settle their issues as is befitting a film made in 2022 and play in the Battle Of The Bands. Is the prize important? Or is the real trophy the friends they made along the way? Or for Kevin and Emily is it losing their virginity? Isn’t teen love grand?

Deathgasm from 2015  did this much better, although the Emily character is a real highlight in Metal Lords.

It’s serviceable for its genre.  Worth watching if you like the genre but nothing special, I doubt I will even remember it in two weeks.

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