Rant News is the fun result (for me!) of being an official contributor to Last Movie Outpost. A big part of the job is finding stories that we think you heathens would enjoy and, sometimes, also enable you to let off a little steam in the comments sections.

Well now it’s my turn because the entertainment industry is so ridiculous at the moment that 7/10 stories are rage-inducing. As I’ve been subjected to it, now you must be too. Let me introduce what I hope will be the first of many editions of Rant News!

Star Trek Discovery

In the final episode of Star Trek Discovery, the audience were subjected to a creature so utterly grotesque on the eyes, so completely immoral that even the 27 people who still watch this show were horrified. The creature in question was none other than… politician Stacey Abrams who was cast as President Of The Earth! 

Casting Abrams literally says everything you need to know about a show full of woke nonsense and detestable characters. I wonder if in the 32nd Century President Abrams still makes 6 year olds wear a face mask while in her presence?

Rant News Stacey
No words necessary.

Unlucky Pete… LOL

For some unknown reason Pete Davidson is a celebrity and, more astonishingly, he’s classed as a comedian. Equally baffling is why Pete was invited aboard Jeff Bezos’ giant space dick to enjoy a trip of a lifetime that should have gone to a much more deserving human being, maybe someone who has actually contributed to society?

Anyway, the man who looks like he eats from a cat litter tray is no longer going and someone else will take his place. I don’t know why and I don’t care, I’m just happy that he’s missed out. At least it’ll free up his time to help humanity by continuing his war of words with Kanye on Instagram.

Rant News Pete
Probably smells worse than he looks.

At Home With Jim Gordon

J.K. Simmons will once again be playing Commissioner Gordon in the upcoming race swapped Batgirl movie. But don’t expect Jim to be just concentrating on fighting crime and corruption. Nope, we’re going to see Jim at home.

Simmons says:

“All that we saw in the little snippets of Zack Snyder’s Justice League, in either the original or in Zack’s brilliant, expanded cut, it was just Commissioner Gordon being business-like and needing Batman’s help. In this film, I think I’m allowed to say since it does centre on Batgirl, we see much more of Commissioner Gordon at home.”

Amazing. Jim Gordon watching TV, cooking or maybe reading. Just what the audience wants.

Rant News Jim
“Oh look, a crime is happening, anyway…”

James Gunn in Harley Quinn

Even with a wealth of superheroes to hold up as inspiration, DC are still trying to make Harley Quinn, a bisexual, murdering, psychopath who is regularly domestically abused by Joker, their go-to girl. Says everything. 

Anyway, it gets better because now James Gunn, of “they were just jokes” fame, has been cast in the Harley cartoon and he’ll be playing with himself directing a movie about Thomas Wayne in the show. Surely there is nothing left in the barrel to scrape? Oh hold on… 

Rant News Gunn
It’s just my quirky sense of humor, honest!

Play-Doh The Movie

Yeah, they’re now making a movie about Play-Doh. Nothing more to add. 

Rant News Dick
We’ve all made one, stop pretending.

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