Disney+ have just released the second trailer for their live action version of the classic 1940 animated movie Pinocchio. And to quote Drunken Yoda when he saw it: 

“wow that looks 50 shades of shit.”

Pinocchio 4
“Mr Drunken Yoda sir, what is a 50 Shades?”

Starring Tom Hanks as Geppetto and Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Jiminy Cricket, the film is Disney’s latest attempt to capture past glories by using the laziest method possible, making CGI versions of their 2D classics.

Pinocchio

Ahh, classic 2D animation. A time will skill and talent was a requirement in Hollywood, before the days of pre-programmed computer actions and ready made special effects filters than anyone can download for $5.

Directed by the once great Robert Zemeckis who gave us the Back To The Future trilogy, Forrest Gump and Who Framed Roger Rabbit to name but a few. Sadly those were the days before Bob immersed himself in CGI animation that resulted in The Polar Express and A Christmas Carol.

Unfortunately Pinocchio looks like Rob is determined to continue his current trend as it looks extremely underwhelming. In fact, Pinocchio looks like a toy from a McDonalds Happy Meal rather than the real-life wooden boy we were expecting.

Pinocchio 2
“I come free with 6 McNuggest, fries and a milkshake.”

Regardless if this will be a success or just another in a long line of recent Disney flops, there are more CGI versions of classic movies coming. Peter Pan & Wendy (previously just known as Peter Pan but hey, wimmin power and all that), and a race swapped The Little Mermaid will be polluting our eyeballs next year.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you: 

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