So, there are two Pinocchio’s due out, one by Del Torro and one by Disney, this is the one by Disney, directed by Robert Zemeckis and starring Tom Hanks, basically, the crap one.

I will start by saying, I hate myself for watching this, but I did go in with an open mind and was willing to give it a chance. This was a mistake.

Pinocchio 2

Overall, Pinocchio is actually pretty good, the direction works, some of the scenes are beautiful and there are nice little touches, like all of the clocks that Geppetto has built are all from Disney movies, like a little Woody and Bullseye etc, which did make me smile.

The story is the same as the original, although I haven’t seen it in many years now, there’s Jimmy Cricket, Pleasure Island, and Monstro the whale. There is even the scene where a kid turns into a jackass.

That’s the good, now here’s the bad. I hate to think of myself as someone who picks up on things like woke, but this movie takes the woke and turns it up to 11. Someone on Twitter recently asked if it really matters if things are woke, as long as you enjoy them?

I did kind of agree, but then I got thinking ‘No, wait, that’s how it starts, you start to think it’s OK and it’s just the thin edge of the wedge’. This movie is very much like that.

Since a good 90% of the movie is enjoyable, I did think if I should ignore the woke and just enjoy it. Sure, the Blue fairy is a black, bald woman, but does it really matter? Yes! Yes, it bloody well does, mainly because of the end of the entire thing.

Pinocchio
“You’re a real little mother fucker now Pinocchio”. It’s not really Samuel L Jackson.

*spoilers* but honestly, you’ll never watch this, so it doesn’t matter.

There was me thinking it wasn’t all that bad, but right at the end. They escape Monstro and it looks like Geppetto might die, but obviously, he doesn’t and Pinocchio learns what it means to truly care about someone annnnnnnd he doesn’t become a real boy!

No, he remains a toy in this version, since it’s not about who you are on the outside, as long as you believe in your heart, you can be whatever you want to be! Yep folks, Disney is teaching kids that you can just believe who you are and you are that thing!

If you are a born male and you think you’re a woman, that’s fine! If you believe you’re a half parrot, half trans, three-quarters she-wolf from the fifth dimension…as long as you believe it, you can be it!

This version of Pinocchio is the perfect example of letting all the wrong kinds of people write your movie and try to make it pander to the hair-haired crying babies on social media.

My favorite part of the movie was when all the kids were taken to Pleasure Island, a place where they are taught about fake happiness, how to consume everything they want, and eventually turn into drone jackasses. I think I know a place like that for real.

Woke is ruining movies, don’t ever think it’s OK, it’s not! We need movies to get back to real writing, by real people, who just want to tell a story, not preach at us.

Pinocchio should be avoided at all costs. It’s a woke message, all wrapped up in a neat little bow to brainwash entertain children.

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