What is it Disney? What exactly is your problem? We love your theme parks. We watch your movies. We buy our kids your merchandise to indoctrinate your next generation if consumers.  Some of us even go on your cruise ships.  Why do you hate us so much?

It must be that.  There is literally no other explanation for what you are doing to one of our most precious childhood touchstones.  It’s like forcing us to watch our beloved pet get run over by a truck, and then violated, repeatedly.  All the while with you screaming at us that this is somehow our fault that we aren’t enjoying the show.

Is it that nobody there has actually seen Star Wars? That everyone working over there just has some trouble “getting” what it is they now own?  You could have just asked.  We would have helped.  Or maybe pop down to those offices with The Mandalorian written on the door?  Those cats Rejwan, Filoni and Favreau seem to have some idea what they are doing.

Whatever it is you do, stop THIS immediately!  What do we mean? Shit like this.

Its like you listened to absolutely every bit of feedback on your brave new direction for Star Wars and deliberately decided to do exactly the opposite.

Are you trolling your audience now? Is that what this is?

That is a possible explanation for The High Republic, a multimedia publishing event with children’s, young adults and adult novels across the range.  There will also be a comic book series.  The only way to stop this becoming movies is to ignore.  Your mission, should you choose to accept it…

Apparently The High Republic will take place 200 years before The Phantom Menace.  Having already made a complete mess of going forward they need to destroy the past as well.

The Sith Wars have ended (clue, they haven’t, we saw nine movies about that!) and the Jedi Order is at the height of power.  The Republic is still expanding and the Outer Rim is the wild frontier.

The Jedi will apparently operate from a large satellite known as the Starlight Beacon. I wish I was making this up.  However it gets worse, much worse when you meet the characters.  One of the writers revealed details to starwars.com and it’s jaw grindingly bad.

“Avar Kriss will be one of the Jedi Order’s best and brightest Jedi masters, incredibly compassionate and an inspiration to all of her fellow Jedi around her.”

“Keeve Trennis will be one of those Jedi inspired by Kriss, almost awestruck. Trennis is headstrong but needs to trust in herself as much as she trusts in the Force.”

“Loden Greatstorm, a Twi’lek master who is one of the Order’s strongest and best teachers, seeing everything as a teachable moment.”

“Another Jedi of great nobility is Stellan Gios. While he and Kriss together become a force to be reckoned with, he is stationed on the outskirts of the galaxy’s frontier while Kriss is on Starlight Beacon.“

“Lastly, there’s also Vernestra “Vern” Rwoh, once a padawan of Gios. One of the Order’s youngest knights ever at 16, while she struggles to fit in with her older peers, she’s determined to work hard in service to the Jedi Order.“

Gee…. it’s almost as if these new Jedi are all ciphers for somebody!