Firstly, I have an apology to make about my review of Episode 3 last week. I was being way, way too generous with it! At the end of the episode…

*Spoilers from last week*

…Vader, who’s been hunting Obi-Wan for the past 10 years, gets stopped by a small wall of fire. A fire he had just put out. He stands there, like a lemon, while watching the slowest load lifter in history very slowly walk away from him. We had just literally seen him pick Obi Wan up, but apparently he can’t do that through fire?

It was insulting to the audience and the characters. As is this, which I edited to improve it.

Episode 4: More spoilers

Spoiling this show really doesn’t matter, since we all know the outcome any way, but here goes.

Reva gets Leia and takes her to a stronghold, I forget where, because it doesn’t matter. Obi-Wan is in a bacta tank… which now seems to be a theme for all of the Disney shows, to have someone in a bacta tank each week, see The Book of Boba Fett.

Obi-Wan’s arm is messed up from the fire, but his face is fine. Being dragged through fire burned under the clothes, but somehow left most of his skin unharmed.

He’s healing and having visions about Vader until he jumps out asking where Leia is. What about Luke, Obi Wan? I hope he’s OK, but I guess he doesn’t matter and you lost the little girl instead. Obi Wan finds that she’s being held in an Imperial fortress and his plan of attack?

“We could fly in at night!”

Yes, a fortress on a planet, only accessible by space ship, wouldn’t be able to see this spaceship at night? Can you believe people were paid to ‘write’ this?

Anyways, it’s all OK since Tala is there to save the day, since she’s an undercover Imp. They head to the planet and then she walks through the fortress acting like someone not acting like they should be there.

obi-wan

There’s a checkpoint she has to go through, and I’m still not sure what the point of it was? If someone was able to land at the fortress, I’m pretty sure they will be OK. Also, it is the scanner for weapons, even though there are force users there? It doesn’t matter, because Star Wars!

obi-wan

She gets to a station and lets Obi-Wan in, underwater somehow. Why are there entrances underwater? The entire planet is reached by space ship, but then some of them have to go underwater? This is, however, a good chance to remind us of the A99 Aqua Breather Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon used in The Phantom Menace.

Apparently, this entire hidden fortress Imperial base doesn’t have security cameras as Obi Wan is allowed to just wander around and find Leia. OK, there are probe droids but seriously, not even a camera in a corridor? Cut backs again, I guess.

Anyway, back to Reva. This very deep and complex character is unfolding before our eyes. I say unfolding, it’s more like turning over a food menu with pictures on it. She is not scary, she’s no threat to anyone and, I’m sorry, but she’s not acting that well.

I mean, it’s not like she’s given any kind of direction or script to work with, but Reva is just terrible. I know that makes me a toxic racist, but it’s true!

So now Reva is going to torture Leia. This was about as exciting as a damp towel since we knew Disney would never let her be touched, yet they try to build it up with zero tension. Obi-Wan gets Tala to create a distraction, which, I would have thought could have been to flood the lower decks? No, Tala gives herself up to Reva.

Obi-Wan rescues Leia, via doing something Tala couldn’t do at the control station which is take out all of the lights. But the scene uses a lightsaber! Yay Star Wars.

The entire escape was laughable, with troopers who couldn’t hit a water if they were stood on a boat. We all know stormtroopers can’t shoot straight, but seriously? Obi-Wan is now apparently back to full force user strength with his lightsaber, even though there was a scene about 10 minutes earlier where he could barely move a small object.

My favourite line was when Obi-Wan and Leia are stuck in a corridor, troopers are at both ends and Obi-Wan says to Leia:

“Hide!”

Where Obi-Wan? It’s a corridor!

What made me laugh more was Tala taking out a trooper by literally slapping his helmet (not a euphemism), she just slaps him and he’s down. I should be laughing at this, but it’s impossible not too.

They get to the landing platform, surrounded by bad guys annnnnnd… they are saved at the last minute. Reva could have ordered them shot, but no, it’s better to monologue instead. #Rolleyes

Vader turns up, and here’s where I have a bigger problem. They have made a big deal about Hayden Christensen being back, but he’s wearing a mask, and James Earl Jones is still doing the voice. So what was the point?

obi-wan

Vader tells Reva she’s failed, but instead of snapping her neck like the child last week, he gives her a chance to explain she’s put a track on the ship they escaped on. A tracker that would have been useful last week for the cargo ship, but never mind that now.

Vader obviously isn’t going to kill Reva, since it’s her story unfolding and not Obi-Wan’s. Vader saves to Reva:

You were warned what defeat would bring!

And then he let’s her off, so Vader is a pussy now as well. I know you might think I’m being critical over this, but the lazy nostalgia hits are comical, the fighting is ‘OK’ at best, and some of the lines and script are just terrible.

All time low score this week due to the overall stupidity of the entire episode. There’s only two episodes left now, not a lot of time to fix anything. In other news, Ewan McGregor has been taken to hospital with a bad back. Seems he’s not doing well carrying the whole show on his own.

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