Something strange is happening in Adventure Bay. Despite the fact that she is quite clearly a complete incompetent, Mayor Goodway remains in power. The warning signs were there. She has a pet chicken. Also, nobody in the town seems to question that all public services – Fire, Police, Rescue, Public Works, Refuse Collection, Coast Guard – seem to have been taken over by a suspiciously well-funded private organization called Paw Patrol.

Paw-Patrol

Furthermore, the fact that this organization seems to be commanded by an overconfident 11-year-old boy who seems to have special dispensation to ride a quad bike around town is not raised in any public forum.

The absolute biggest concern to the casual observer is that this entire mysterious operation seems to be staffed by talking dogs.

Paw-Patrol

This whole thing smacks of some kind of planned subversion of a community. A social and civic experiment. It is no surprise to those who monitor these things that news of an expansion of their remit comes just as the shadowy and sinister W.E.F. meet in Davos, Switzerland. Why is nobody asking the important questions about what is going on in Adventure Bay? Come on, sheeple!

Yet expand they will, whether we like it or not. The news comes through that a sequel is on the way to this year’s Paw Patrol: The Movie which grossed over $150 million worldwide, and was a day and date release on Paramount+ in the U.S., quickly becoming the number one most streamed movie on the platform. So basically, we did this to ourselves!

The Nickelodeon cartoon and Spin Master toy line debuted in 2013 and is still going strong. That’s another suspicious angle. Why does Ryder not age? Is he being artificially kept at that developmental level for Adrenochrome harvesting? Enquiring minds want to know.

In the sequel, a magical meteor crash lands in Adventure City. Maybe it is bringing more spores for our Lizard overlords who are behind this whole enterprise? Either way, it will apparently give the Paw Patrol pups superpowers, transforming them into The Mighty Pups.

Paw-Patrol

You will be forced by constant nagging to take your children to see it. You will spend two hours sitting in a theater wondering how to make it stop. You will then be asked to part with all your cash in the nearest toy store. Still… at least Taraji P. Henson is in the sequel.

Paw Patrol 2 is targeting a theatrical release on October 13th 2023. There is still time for Vladimir Putin to kill us all in a nuclear firestorm before then, so you might well never have to sit through it.

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