So, when I first heard that one of the Wachowski dudes was making a fourth Matrix film, oh how I laughed.
Considering how badly received Reloaded and Revolutions were received and added to the fact that the Wachowski’s are next level woke, I, like a majority of people had no hope whatsoever for this film.
However, as time progressed and the marketing kicked off, I found myself intrigued at first and then the more I saw (and to my utter surprise) I was actually as keen as mustard for it.
So the time has come for me, like a sacrificial digital lamb to the slaughter, to plug myself back into the world of The Matrix.
It was my last day of work before the Christmas break, I was in a good mood, almost euphoric as I shut my Mac down for the last time this year. I cracked open a beer or several, (mockingly smirked and winked at the wife who still had work the next day while I didn’t) turned off the lights, started up the surround sound and buckled in for a movie I was equally excited for but also dreading.
Now, I’ll just say straight away that it’s not as terrible as I feared and surprisingly it’s not woke! It is, however, shite.
This film is a desperate attempt to recapture the lightning in the bottle the first one managed. They couldn’t do it with the two sequels so why they thought a third sequel would work is beyond me. I suppose you could say it’s like taking two vaccines and then a booster and still getting shafted… in fact, that perfectly sums up Resurrections, it’s the useless booster jab of Matrix movies.
There are recreations of the first film, flashbacks and Easter eggs aplenty. The originals are actually part of pop culture in this film and they use them to try and red pill Thomas Anderson again.
The new Morpheus is totally pointless, he could have been anyone. Apart from his looks, he captured nothing of Fishbourne’s iconic role.
Agent Smith was a joke character who was poorly portrayed by an actor who claimed he cried when he read the script. Yeah, cried because he was clumsily shoehorned into a film that didn’t need him. I’m fact, what they’ve done to Smith is a disgrace to the one consistent shining light in the originals.
Fishbourne and Weaving claimed they had scheduling conflicts which is why they couldn’t be part of this. Bollocks, they read the script and wanted no part of this. Savvy move gents.
Machines are now at war with humans again and other machines. The good machines look like a mix from a Star Wars sequel and The Abyss – again, unoriginal and lazy.
Listen, I could go on forever and it’ll make this a long read but overall this film had crappy effects, the fight choreography looked like something from Netflix’s Witcher and the action scenes were lacklustre. All ironic considering how influential the original was.
The editing, like Lana Wachowski’s pecker, is cut up into small pieces and sewn together to create a monster.
This new Matrix is nothing more than a Netflix standard of a movie and you really shouldn’t go out of your way to watch it… and that’s coming from someone who didn’t have to do anything more than walk 20’ to the kitchen to get another beer and a couple of bags of crisps (chips to you American heathens).
Editor’s note: Thanks to Eggy Weggs for submitting this review!
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