Here it is folks, the trailer you’ve all been waiting for – The Little Mermaid! After months of patiently waiting to see the next blockbuster extravaganza from Disney, they finally put us out of our misery. So, without further ado, let’s get to it.

We’re All Part Of Her World Now

Wow! I am totally blown away by this. It’s everything I could have dreamed of and more. Washed-out colours, near pitch-black underwater scenes, representation, and Sebastian the crab looking like he was captured, boiled, digested, spat out, and reassembled by an undersea Frankenstein.

Who remembers when Disney prided itself on character design?

The acting is so wooden that if Prince Eric had used it to build his ship, it would have been unsinkable and we would have been spared this monstrosity. Don’t even get me started on the CGI. If you didn’t know better, you would think this was a Disney Special Feature from the early 00s.

Now, now, before you get all butthurt and tell me “This film isn’t meant for middle-aged, straight white men!” please remember, while watching this trailer I self-identified as a 10-year-old female POC. Therefore my criticism is fully justified and you can’t disagree with me or you are a bigot.

Apparently, the team behind this used machines from 2001 for the CGI.

Poor Unfortunate Souls

Normally, I would list the actors who have committed career suicide, I mean signed up for this, but let’s be honest, who cares? Melissa McCarthy is unwatchable in everything she’s in and who gives a toss about the rest? My only surprise is that Javier Bardem is onboard this shipwreck… ba dum tsss.

Why would you do this Javier, why?!

This Little Mermaid trailer is currently sitting on YouTube with a ratio of 56K likes and 142K dislikes. Will Disney ever get the message?

Anyway, let’s just get straight to the comments section for what we would call, here in the UK, a right old slagging off. Unless you like this, of course, in which case my advice would be to quickly grow a very thick skin.

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