Disney just can’t catch a break with Galaxy’s Edge, it’s new Star Wars-themed land open already at Disneyland in LA, due shortly in Disneyworld Orlando.
First of all, they made idiotic, amateur mistakes with the theming. When a Disney vacation costs thousands, it is the parents paying. Yet they decided to exorcise any trace of the OT Star Wars that the parents love in favour of Sequel Trilogy theming. A theme that the parents, the ones with the dollars, decidedly don’t love!
Then was their failure to open their second ride in time or even plan for a third. Rise Of The Resistance is still having technical difficulties. This leaves the land a barren experience, with one ride alone. The disappointing Millennium Falcon: Smugglers Run which is a themed variation on the button-mashing team tedium that is Mission Space at Epcot.
The general lack of wow-factor in this ride means the land resembles a shopping mall rather than an immersive theme park experience. Restaurants, food outlets and retail opportunities swamp visitors giving them nothing else to do.
Even other “experiences” are thinly veiled attempts to extract yet more dollars from parents who aren’t seeing anything they visibly recognise as their Star Wars. $200 to build a lightsaber. Even more to build a small droid.
It is no wonder visitor numbers are way down. The franchise meant to drive this park still reels from fan disengagement over The Last Jedi, the complete flop of Solo and total indifference greeting anything they produce around The Rise Of Skywalker.
So the last thing Disney needs is anything else to add to the general funk of failure surrounding their flagship park launch of 2019. So step forward the TSA to add one more nail in the hilarity coffin. Galaxy’s Edge Coke!
$5.49 Coke. Five dollars. For a Coke! And amazingly, that’s not the issue. The issue is the bottle.
When you create a theme park that you want people to fly from all over the world to visit and buy souvenirs, what is the one thing you don’t do with a souvenir bottle? And remember, you are dealing with the same brains trust who decided on a Star Wars land without any classic Star Wars in it!
The same people who thought “Fanboy tears” was a sensible approach to movie marketing just keep on racking up those idiot points, don’t they? Fly to Disney, spend over $5 on a Coke and then not be allowed to even take the souvenir bottle home with you, because they designed the bottle to look like a Thermal Detonator, or a hand grenade as we call it here on Earth!
Somebody didn’t think this through, did they? Jesus Christ, what kind of idiots are they hiring over there?
Oh yeah, that’s right.