One of the more troubling elements of geekdom is the “shipping”.

This is when sad, lonely people, who usually own cats, take a break from shoe-horning themselves into Harley Quinn outfits at least seven sizes too small to dream about what it would be like if fictional characters paired off with each other.

Then they go online and create fan-fiction about encounters between these characters. Then they live vicariously through them.  They make up for their own insecurities and yearning for human intimacy by projecting their desires through their heroes.

Lord Of The Rings’ Sam and Frodo became gay lovers in this particular sub-culture.  As did Bucky and Steve Rogers from Captain America.  It is not just limited to homosexual projection.  One of the most popular “ships” of recent years has been Kylo and Rey in the Star Wars sequel trilogy.

Fevered fan-fiction describes Rey being corrupted and turned by Kylo as his lover.  Or the reverse, she saves him from the Dark Side through the power of her sexuality once they are intimate.  Every snippet of news, from trailers or interviews, is breathlessly analysed for something, anything that might confirm the “ship”.

Shippers Gotta Ship!

It doesn’t end there.  They are shipping Finn and Poe too.  In one dark corner of the internet they were shipping Poe and BB8.  Lando in Solo has a lot to answer for!

In a new Rolling Stone interview, Kylo Ren actor Adam Driver has some bad news for shippers.  Ren is bad boyfriend material, and may be beyond redemption even by the power of vag:

“There’s something in having an antagonist who is a little more vulnerable. That seems to be more relatable and human than just someone who is a psychopath.

I mean, of course, I’m sympathetic to him and I understand. But I can see on the outside, if I analyzed it, which I don’t, that someone who’s killed his class doesn’t really seem to be good boyfriend material.

He’s almost like a spoiled rich kid who has to evolve into something. He’s following his path of finding who he is. You might have had to metaphorically, or in this case literally, kill your father to find out who you are. To be your own person, at a certain point you have to claim it. But then again, we never really figure out who we are.”

Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker opens December 20th.  If they have the balls to turn Rey bad, and have Kylo kill her, then I will find a new level of undiscovered respect for JJ and the Lucasfilm clown show.