DC Comics is finished. Let’s just get that out of the way. Marvel is finished too, by the way. Within the next 12 months, it is highly likely single-issue comics will have gone the way of the Dodo.

DC has a major turd coming out on its rapid decline to non-existence and it goes by the name of I Am Not Starfire. If I could imagine a million comic book stories this one wouldn’t even make the cut. What the Hell is this?

Here is the synopsis:

From New York Times bestselling author Mariko Tamaki (Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up with Me, Harley Quinn: Breaking Glass) and artist Yoshi Yoshitani (Zatanna and the House of Secrets) comes a story about Mandy, the daughter of super-famous superhero Starfire, and her desperate attempts to get out from under her shadow.

Seventeen-year-old Mandy Koriand’r is not her mother. Daughter of Starfire and high school outcast, Mandy is constantly trying to get out from under the shadow of her bright, bubbly, scantily clad, and famous mother. Dyeing her bright orange hair black and sticking close to her best friend, Lincoln, Mandy spends her days at school avoiding Teen Titans superfans and trying to hide her feelings for the gorgeous, popular, and perfect Claire. And while Mandy usually avoids spending too much time with her alien mother, she’s been particularly quiet as she’s keeping one major secret from her: Mandy walked out of her S.A.T.

While Mandy continues to tell Lincoln her plans of moving to France to escape the family spotlight and not go to college, she secretly hides a fear of not knowing her identity outside of just being the daughter of a superhero and who she will become. But when she is partnered with Claire to work on a school project, their friendship develops into something more and a self-confidence unknown to Mandy begins to bloom. Claire seems to like Mandy for being Mandy, not the daughter of Starfire.

But when someone from Starfire’s past comes to disrupt Mandy’s future, Mandy must finally make a choice: give up before the battle has even begun, or step into the unknown and risk everything. I Am Not Starfire is a story about mother-daughter relationships, embracing where you come from while finding your own identity, and learning to be unafraid of failing, if it was even failing in the first place.

Of all the characters they could have used for this story Starfire seems like a poor choice just from a visual standpoint.

Starfire is an orange-skinned alien with Little Orphan Annie eyes and huge boobs. She’s arguably the most hyper-sexualized character in comics.

So how on Earth does her daughter look like The Penguin? Is he the father? Does 0% of her biology pass down in the breeding process?

Also, it appears that this author decided to just make herself the main character. Here she is.

This is about as lazy and as poor a product as I can remember. This is fan fiction nonsense at its worst. Was there no room at Lucasfilm to hire her?

Marv Wolfman and George Perez are rolling over in their graves and they aren’t even dead yet.

Copies can be purchased in August but setting your $10 bucks (or whatever this thing costs) on fire would be more satisfying.