This is the first of two articles for the 2023 Golden Globes nominations. This one will focus on the movies and the TV list will come next because otherwise, you’ll run out of battery on your phone by the time to reach the bottom.

Look, I’m going to be totally honest with you Outposters. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. It’s cold, work is busting my balls, and the alarm clock didn’t go off which meant the kids were late for school and I spilled my first cup of tea of the day. This is going to be a grumpy article.

The Golden Globes

I don’t care for the Golden Globes or these mega-rich, out-of-touch celebrities and their pompous grandstanding. The vast majority of movies this year have been borderline unwatchable, so the idea of these people getting pats on the back and shiny trophies for a level of work that would get “normal” people fired from their job is absurd. Anyway, here goes nothing.

Eggy is only writing this article because it’s a slow news day.

Best Motion Picture – Drama

Avatar: The Way of Water
Elvis
The Fabelmans
Tár
Top Gun: Maverick

If Maverick doesn’t win this, then… well, nothing actually.

Maverick

 

Best Director – Motion Picture

James Cameron, Avatar: The Way of Water
Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert, Everything Everywhere All at Once
Baz Luhrmann, Elvis
Martin McDonagh, The Banshees of Inisherin
Steven Spielberg, The Fabelmans

I’ve only seen Elvis and Everything Everywhere All at Once from this list. Give it to Elvis. Yeah, come at me bro.

Elvis

Best Screenplay – Motion Picture

Todd Field, Tár
Daniel Kwan, Daniel Scheinert, Everything Everywhere All at Once
Martin McDonagh, The Banshees of Inisherin
Sarah Polley, Women Talking
Steven Spielberg, Tony Kushner, The Fabelmans

I wasn’t a big fan of Everything Everywhere All at Once but it was one of the most original films from Hollywood that I’ve seen in a long time.

Everything

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama

Austin Butler, Elvis
Brendan Fraser, The Whale
Hugh Jackman, The Son
Bill Nighy, Living
Jeremy Pope, The Inspection

From this list, I thought Elvis was excellent and Butler gave it everything he had. I hope he wins. However, I know most will be rooting for Fraser, but I’m not interested in watching a film about a fat dude who left his wife and kid so he can go and bugger another man. Moving on.

Elvis 3

Best Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy

Babylon
The Banshees of Inisherin
Everything Everywhere All at Once
Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery
Triangle of Sadness

I want to see Babylon but I’ll wait for streaming. Same for Banshees Of Inisherin. I found Everything Everywhere All at Once a bit of a slog. I’ll never watch another Ruin Johnson movie and I have no idea what Triangle of Sadness is.

Babylon

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy

Lesley Manville, Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris
Margot Robbie, Babylon
Anya Taylor-Joy, The Menu
Emma Thompson, Good Luck to You, Leo Grande
Michelle Yeoh, Everything Everywhere All at Once

Give it to Yeoh, she was great in that film. Or Margot Robbie because she’s a hot piece of arse. Yeah, I’m shallow.

Everything_Michelle_Yeoh

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy

Diego Calva, Babylon
Daniel Craig, Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery
Adam Driver, White Noise
Colin Farrell, The Banshees of Inisherin
Ralph Fiennes, The Menu

Ralph Fiennes always brings his A-Game, give it to him. Next.

Ralph Fiennes

Best Original Score – Motion Picture

Carter Burwell, The Banshees of Inisherin
Alexandre Desplat, Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio
Hildur Guðnadóttir, Women Talking
Justin Hurwitz, Babylon
John Williams, The Fabelmans

I reckon they’ll give it to Williams as he’s about to retire. Yeah, I’m that cynical.

Best Original Song – Motion Picture

Carolina, Taylor Swift (Where the Crawdads Sing)
Ciao Papa, Alexandre Desplat, Guillermo del Toro, Roeban Katz (Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio)
Hold My Hand, Lady Gaga, BloodPop, Benjamin Rice (Top Gun: Maverick)
Lift Me Up, Tems, Rihanna, Ryan Coogler, Ludwig Göransson (Black Panther: Wakanda Forever)
Naatu Naatu, Kala Bhairava, M.M. Keeravani, Kala Bhairava, Rahul Sipligunj (RRR)

Taylor Swift always looks like she has just smelt a stranger’s fart.

Taylor Swift
“Christ! Who did that, I can practically taste it?!”

Best Motion Picture – Animated  

Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio
Inu-Oh
Marcel the Shell With Shoes On
Puss in Boots: The Last Wish
Turning Red

What, no Lightyear, or Strange World? The LGBTQP mob will be outraged! #BoycottHomophobicGoldenGlobes

Pinocchio

Best Motion Picture – Non-English Language

All Quiet on the Western Front (Germany)
Argentina, 1985 (Argentina)
Close (Belgium)
Decision to Leave (South Korea)
RRR (India)

Shawn T will vote for All Quiet on the Western Front while Boba Phil will want RRR to win. I’ll set up a Go Fund Me so we can pay for Shawn to get on a plane to England and they can fight for it on the next Livestream!

All Quiet

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in Any Motion Picture

Angela Bassett, Black Panther: Wakanda Forever
Kerry Condon, The Banshees of Inisherin
Jamie Lee Curtis, Everything Everywhere All at Once
Dolly De Leon, Triangle of Sadness
Carey Mulligan, She Said

I don’t care.

Wakanda

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in Any Motion Picture

Brendan Gleeson, The Banshees of Inisherin
Barry Keoghan, The Banshees of Inisherin
Brad Pitt, Babylon
Ke Huy Quan, Everything Everywhere All at Once
Eddie Redmayne, The Good Nurse

Again, I don’t care.

Banshees

Hopefully, we’ll get some kind of Oscar’s level of controversy that will make us normies give this fiasco a couple of minutes worth of attention. I’m off to make a cup of tea without spilling it and then I’ll do the TV list… urgh!

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