The Golden Globes happened last night. An opportunity for rich, overprivileged people who play dress up for a living, and with no grasp of reality, to tell us, the little people how we should live our lives.
Most of us couldn’t give a shit about awards ceremonies, and wouldn’t piss on these people if they were on fire (except Margo Robbie and Ana De Armas), but this is a movie site and the Golden Globes need reporting on.
Sadly, in the wise words of Mr. Ricky Gervais, some of them refused to “collect their award, thank their God, and simply fuck off”. And with Stark and Boba Phil having busy work mornings, it has fallen on me to scroll through the endless drivel that these obnoxious people have to say and filter it out for you Outposters.
So let’s ignore their bollocks and get straight to the only good bit – who won what at the 2023 Golden Globes.
Best film (drama) – The Fabelmans
Avatar: The Way of Water
Top Gun: Maverick
Eggy’s opinion: Bullshit. Top Gun: Maverick should have won this hands down.
Best performance by an actress in a film (drama) – Cate Blanchett, Tár
Olivia Colman, Empire of Light
Viola Davis, The Woman King
Ana de Armas, Blonde
Michelle Williams, The Fabelmans
Eggy’s opinion: From this list, I’ve only seen Blonde and it was poo. But De Armas was great and there were plenty of boob shots. She should have won for this alone. Hubber, hubber!
Best performance by an actor in a film (drama) – Austin Butler, Elvis
Brendan Fraser, The Whale
Hugh Jackman, The Son
Bill Nighy, Living
Jeremy Pope, The Inspection
Eggy’s opinion: No complaints from me for this one. Butler was astonishing as Elvis and definitely an actor to look out for going forward.
Best film (musical or comedy) – The Banshees Of Inisherin
Everything Everywhere All at Once
Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery
Triangle of Sadness
Eggy’s opinion: An excellent movie and well deserved. How the hell was Glass Onion nominated!?
Best performance by an actress in a film (musical or comedy) – Michelle Yeoh, Everything Everywhere All At Once
Lesley Manville, Mrs Harris Goes to Paris
Margot Robbie, Babylon
Anya Taylor-Joy, The Menu
Emma Thompson, Good Luck to You, Leo Grande
Eggy’s opinion: Perfect decision. Yeoh was great in this film (when isn’t she?).
Best performance by an actor in a film (musical or comedy) – Colin Farrell, The Banshees Of Inisherin
Diego Calva, Babylon
Daniel Craig, Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery
Adam Driver, White Noise
Ralph Fiennes, The Menu
Eggy’s opinion: Brilliant! Farrell is riding the wave right now and his role as a vulnerable, borderline village idiot was great.
Best animated film – Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio
Marcel the Shell With Shoes On
Puss in Boots: The Last Wish
Eggy’s opinion: I’ve only seen snippets of this and it looks beautiful. A well-deserved kick in the nuts to boring computer animation.
Best non-English language film – Argentina, 1985 (Argentina)
All Quiet on the Western Front (Germany)
Decision to Leave (South Korea)
Eggy’s opinion: I don’t care but I know Shawn would have wanted All Quiet On The Western Front and Boba Phil would have been hoping for RRR. Tough cheese lads.
Best supporting actress in any film – Angela Bassett, Black Panther: Wakanda Forever
Kerry Condon, The Banshees of Inisherin
Jamie Lee Curtis, Everything Everywhere All at Once
Dolly De Leon, Triangle Of Sadness
Carey Mulligan, She Said
Eggy’s opinion: Do me a favour.
Best supporting actor in any film – Ke Huy Quan, Everything Everywhere All at Once
Brendan Gleeson, The Banshees of Inisherin
Barry Keoghan, The Banshees of Inisherin
Brad Pitt, Babylon
Eddie Redmayne, The Good Nurse
Eggy’s opinion: Nice. Short Round played various versions of his character and he was magnificent in all of them.
Best director – Steven Spielberg, The Fabelmans
James Cameron, Avatar: The Way of Water
Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert, Everything Everywhere All at Once
Baz Luhrmann, Elvis
Martin McDonagh, The Banshees of Inisherin
Eggy’s opinion: Listen, I think Steve is excellent, probably the best ever, but I just don’t see how he beat Kwan and Scheinert for this.
Best screenplay – Martin McDonagh, The Banshees of Inisherin
Todd Field, Tár
Daniel Kwan, Daniel Scheinert, Everything Everywhere All at Once
Sarah Polley, Women Talking
Steven Spielberg, Tony Kushner, The Fabelmans
Eggy’s opinion: A great film for sure but Everything, Everywhere All At Once was one of the most original films I’ve seen in many a year.
Best original score – Justin Hurwitz, Babylon
Carter Burwell, The Banshees of Inisherin
Alexandre Desplat, Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio
Hildur Guðnadóttir, Women Talking
John Williams, The Fabelmans
Eggy’s opinion: Yeah, OK.
Best original song – Naatu Naatu, by Kala Bhairava, MM Keeravani, Kala Bhairava and Rahul Sipligunj, from RRR
Carolina, Taylor Swift (Where The Crawdads Sing)
Ciao Papa, Alexandre Desplat, Guillermo del Toro, Roeban Katz (Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio)
Hold My Hand, Lady Gaga, BloodPop, Benjamin Rice (Top Gun: Maverick)
Lift Me Up, Tems, Rihanna, Ryan Coogler, Ludwig Göransson (Black Panther: Wakanda Forever)
Eggy’s opinion: Boba Phil will be shaking his stuff!
Best TV drama – House Of The Dragon
Better Call Saul
Eggy’s opinion: Really? Another snub for Better Call Saul. Pfftt.
Best actress in a TV drama – Zendaya, Euphoria
Emma D’Arcy, House of the Dragon
Laura Linney, Ozark
Imelda Staunton, The Crown
Hilary Swank, Alaska Daily
Eggy’s opinion: LOL
Best actor in a TV drama – Kevin Costner, Yellowstone
Jeff Bridges, The Old Man
Diego Luna, Andor
Bob Odenkirk, Better Call Saul
Adam Scott, Severance
Eggy’s opinion: I love Yellowstone but there’s not much depth to Coster’s role as John Dutton. He grunts and moans a lot, makes threats, and gets Rip to do nasty shit to people. I honestly thought Odenkirk would have clinched this.
Best TV musical or comedy – Abbott Elementary
Only Murders In The Building
Eggy’s opinion: Alpha Males don’t concern themselves with musicals.
Best actress in a TV musical or comedy – Quinta Brunson, Abbott Elementary
Kaley Cuoco, The Flight Attendant
Selena Gomez, Only Murders in the Building
Jenna Ortega, Wednesday
Jean Smart, Hacks
Eggy’s opinion: Don’t care.
Best actor in a TV musical or comedy – Jeremy Allen White, The Bear
Donald Glover, Atlanta
Bill Hader, Barry
Steve Martin, Only Murders In The Building
Martin Short, Only Murders In The Building
Eggy’s opinion: I have no idea who this is or what the show is about.
Best limited series, anthology series or film made for TV – The White Lotus
Dahmer – Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story
Pam & Tommy
Eggy’s opinion: An excellent show and really worth checking out if you haven’t already. A rare show you can watch with the little lady… provided she’s made you a sandwich first.
Best actress in a limited series, anthology series or film made for TV – Amanda Seyfried, The Dropout
Jessica Chastain, George and Tammy
Julia Garner, Inventing Anna
Lily James, Pam & Tommy
Julia Roberts, Gaslit
Eggy’s opinion: But, but, Lily James!
Best actor in a limited series, anthology series or film made for TV – Evan Peters, Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story
Taron Egerton, Black Bird
Colin Firth, The Staircase
Andrew Garfield, Under The Banner Of Heaven
Sebastian Stan, Pam & Tommy
Eggy’s opinion: HAHAH, the gays are having a meltdown on Twitter about this. Perfect.
Best supporting actress in a limited series, anthology series or film made for TV – Jennifer Coolidge, The White Lotus
Claire Danes, Fleishman Is in Trouble
Daisy Edgar-Jones, Under the Banner of Heaven
Niecy Nash, Dahmer – Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story
Aubrey Plaza, The White Lotus
Eggy’s opinion: Bravo to Stiffler’s Mum, she was great in this.
Best supporting actor in a limited series, anthology series or film made for TV – Paul Walter Hauser, Black Bird
F Murray Abraham, The White Lotus
Domhnall Gleeson, The Patient
Richard Jenkins, Dahmer – Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story
Seth Rogen, Pam & Tommy
Eggy’s opinion: Another one on my Watchlist I need to make time for. Oh, and LOL Seth Rogan!
Best supporting actress in a TV series – Julia Garner, Ozark
Elizabeth Debicki, The Crown
Hannah Einbinder, Hacks
Janelle James, Abbott Elementary
Sheryl Lee Ralph, Abbott Elementary
Eggy’s opinion: I’m ashamed to say this is still on my Watchlist. I’ve heard great things about it.
Best supporting actor in a TV series – Tyler James Williams, Abbott Elementary
John Lithgow, The Old Man
Jonathan Pryce, The Crown
John Turturro, Severance
Henry Winkler, Barry
Eggy’s opinion: Bore off about this show already.
So there you go Outposters. Have fun in the comments section!