The Golden Globes happened last night. An opportunity for rich, overprivileged people who play dress up for a living, and with no grasp of reality, to tell us, the little people how we should live our lives. 

Most of us couldn’t give a shit about awards ceremonies, and wouldn’t piss on these people if they were on fire (except Margo Robbie and Ana De Armas), but this is a movie site and the Golden Globes need reporting on.

Sadly, in the wise words of Mr. Ricky Gervais, some of them refused to “collect their award, thank their God, and simply fuck off”. And with Stark and Boba Phil having busy work mornings, it has fallen on me to scroll through the endless drivel that these obnoxious people have to say and filter it out for you Outposters.

So let’s ignore their bollocks and get straight to the only good bit – who won what at the 2023 Golden Globes.

Ricky Gervais Golden Globes

Best film (drama) – The Fabelmans

Avatar: The Way of Water
Elvis
Tár
Top Gun: Maverick

Eggy’s opinion: Bullshit. Top Gun: Maverick should have won this hands down.

Fabelmans

Best performance by an actress in a film (drama) – Cate Blanchett, Tár

Olivia Colman, Empire of Light
Viola Davis, The Woman King
Ana de Armas, Blonde
Michelle Williams, The Fabelmans

Eggy’s opinion: From this list, I’ve only seen Blonde and it was poo. But De Armas was great and there were plenty of boob shots. She should have won for this alone. Hubber, hubber!

Tar

Best performance by an actor in a film (drama) – Austin Butler, Elvis

Brendan Fraser, The Whale
Hugh Jackman, The Son
Bill Nighy, Living
Jeremy Pope, The Inspection

Eggy’s opinion: No complaints from me for this one. Butler was astonishing as Elvis and definitely an actor to look out for going forward.

Elvis 2

Best film (musical or comedy) – The Banshees Of Inisherin

Babylon
Everything Everywhere All at Once
Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery
Triangle of Sadness

Eggy’s opinion: An excellent movie and well deserved. How the hell was Glass Onion nominated!? 

Banshees

Best performance by an actress in a film (musical or comedy) – Michelle Yeoh, Everything Everywhere All At Once

Lesley Manville, Mrs Harris Goes to Paris
Margot Robbie, Babylon
Anya Taylor-Joy, The Menu
Emma Thompson, Good Luck to You, Leo Grande

Eggy’s opinion: Perfect decision. Yeoh was great in this film (when isn’t she?).

Everything_Michelle_Yeoh

Best performance by an actor in a film (musical or comedy) – Colin Farrell, The Banshees Of Inisherin

Diego Calva, Babylon
Daniel Craig, Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery
Adam Driver, White Noise
Ralph Fiennes, The Menu

Eggy’s opinion: Brilliant! Farrell is riding the wave right now and his role as a vulnerable, borderline village idiot was great.

Best animated film – Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio

Inu-Oh
Marcel the Shell With Shoes On
Puss in Boots: The Last Wish
Turning Red

Eggy’s opinion: I’ve only seen snippets of this and it looks beautiful. A well-deserved kick in the nuts to boring computer animation.

Pinocchio

Best non-English language film – Argentina, 1985 (Argentina)

All Quiet on the Western Front (Germany)
Close (Belgium)
Decision to Leave (South Korea)
RRR (India)

Eggy’s opinion: I don’t care but I know Shawn would have wanted All Quiet On The Western Front and Boba Phil would have been hoping for RRR. Tough cheese lads.

1985 Argentina

Best supporting actress in any film – Angela Bassett, Black Panther: Wakanda Forever

Kerry Condon, The Banshees of Inisherin
Jamie Lee Curtis, Everything Everywhere All at Once
Dolly De Leon, Triangle Of Sadness
Carey Mulligan, She Said

Eggy’s opinion: Do me a favour.

Wakanda

Best supporting actor in any film – Ke Huy Quan, Everything Everywhere All at Once

Brendan Gleeson, The Banshees of Inisherin
Barry Keoghan, The Banshees of Inisherin
Brad Pitt, Babylon
Eddie Redmayne, The Good Nurse

Eggy’s opinion: Nice. Short Round played various versions of his character and he was magnificent in all of them.

ke huy quan

Best director – Steven Spielberg, The Fabelmans

James Cameron, Avatar: The Way of Water
Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert, Everything Everywhere All at Once
Baz Luhrmann, Elvis
Martin McDonagh, The Banshees of Inisherin

Eggy’s opinion: Listen, I think Steve is excellent, probably the best ever, but I just don’t see how he beat Kwan and Scheinert for this.

Paul Dano Seth Rogan Fabelmans

Best screenplay – Martin McDonagh, The Banshees of Inisherin

Todd Field, Tár
Daniel Kwan, Daniel Scheinert, Everything Everywhere All at Once
Sarah Polley, Women Talking
Steven Spielberg, Tony Kushner, The Fabelmans

Eggy’s opinion: A great film for sure but Everything, Everywhere All At Once was one of the most original films I’ve seen in many a year.

Best original score – Justin Hurwitz, Babylon

Carter Burwell, The Banshees of Inisherin
Alexandre Desplat, Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio
Hildur Guðnadóttir, Women Talking
John Williams, The Fabelmans

Eggy’s opinion: Yeah, OK.

Babylon

Best original song – Naatu Naatu, by Kala Bhairava, MM Keeravani, Kala Bhairava and Rahul Sipligunj, from RRR

Carolina, Taylor Swift (Where The Crawdads Sing)
Ciao Papa, Alexandre Desplat, Guillermo del Toro, Roeban Katz (Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio)
Hold My Hand, Lady Gaga, BloodPop, Benjamin Rice (Top Gun: Maverick)
Lift Me Up, Tems, Rihanna, Ryan Coogler, Ludwig Göransson (Black Panther: Wakanda Forever)

Eggy’s opinion: Boba Phil will be shaking his stuff!

RRR

Best TV drama – House Of The Dragon

Better Call Saul
The Crown
Ozark
Severance

Eggy’s opinion: Really? Another snub for Better Call Saul. Pfftt.

House-Dragon

Best actress in a TV drama – Zendaya, Euphoria

Emma D’Arcy, House of the Dragon
Laura Linney, Ozark
Imelda Staunton, The Crown
Hilary Swank, Alaska Daily

Eggy’s opinion: LOL

Zendaya

Best actor in a TV drama – Kevin Costner, Yellowstone

Jeff Bridges, The Old Man
Diego Luna, Andor
Bob Odenkirk, Better Call Saul
Adam Scott, Severance

Eggy’s opinion: I love Yellowstone but there’s not much depth to Coster’s role as John Dutton. He grunts and moans a lot, makes threats, and gets Rip to do nasty shit to people. I honestly thought Odenkirk would have clinched this. 

Yellowstone

Best TV musical or comedy – Abbott Elementary

The Bear
Hacks
Only Murders In The Building
Wednesday

Eggy’s opinion: Alpha Males don’t concern themselves with musicals.

Abbott Elementary

Best actress in a TV musical or comedy – Quinta Brunson, Abbott Elementary

Kaley Cuoco, The Flight Attendant
Selena Gomez, Only Murders in the Building
Jenna Ortega, Wednesday
Jean Smart, Hacks

Eggy’s opinion: Don’t care.

Quinta_Brunson

Best actor in a TV musical or comedy – Jeremy Allen White, The Bear

Donald Glover, Atlanta
Bill Hader, Barry
Steve Martin, Only Murders In The Building
Martin Short, Only Murders In The Building

Eggy’s opinion: I have no idea who this is or what the show is about.

Golden Globes Jeremy_Allen_White

Best limited series, anthology series or film made for TV – The White Lotus

Black Bird
Dahmer – Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story
The Dropout
Pam & Tommy

Eggy’s opinion: An excellent show and really worth checking out if you haven’t already. A rare show you can watch with the little lady… provided she’s made you a sandwich first.

White_Lotus

Best actress in a limited series, anthology series or film made for TV – Amanda Seyfried, The Dropout

Jessica Chastain, George and Tammy
Julia Garner, Inventing Anna
Lily James, Pam & Tommy
Julia Roberts, Gaslit

Eggy’s opinion: But, but, Lily James!

The Dropout

Best actor in a limited series, anthology series or film made for TV – Evan Peters, Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story

Taron Egerton, Black Bird
Colin Firth, The Staircase
Andrew Garfield, Under The Banner Of Heaven
Sebastian Stan, Pam & Tommy

Eggy’s opinion: HAHAH, the gays are having a meltdown on Twitter about this. Perfect.

Dahmer

Best supporting actress in a limited series, anthology series or film made for TV – Jennifer Coolidge, The White Lotus

Claire Danes, Fleishman Is in Trouble
Daisy Edgar-Jones, Under the Banner of Heaven
Niecy Nash, Dahmer – Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story
Aubrey Plaza, The White Lotus

Eggy’s opinion: Bravo to Stiffler’s Mum, she was great in this.

Golden Globes Coolidge

Best supporting actor in a limited series, anthology series or film made for TV – Paul Walter Hauser, Black Bird

F Murray Abraham, The White Lotus
Domhnall Gleeson, The Patient
Richard Jenkins, Dahmer – Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story
Seth Rogen, Pam & Tommy

Eggy’s opinion: Another one on my Watchlist I need to make time for. Oh, and LOL Seth Rogan!

Paul-Walter-Hauser

Best supporting actress in a TV series – Julia Garner, Ozark

Elizabeth Debicki, The Crown
Hannah Einbinder, Hacks
Janelle James, Abbott Elementary
Sheryl Lee Ralph, Abbott Elementary

Eggy’s opinion: I’m ashamed to say this is still on my Watchlist. I’ve heard great things about it.

Golden globes Julia-Garner

Best supporting actor in a TV series – Tyler James Williams, Abbott Elementary

John Lithgow, The Old Man
Jonathan Pryce, The Crown
John Turturro, Severance
Henry Winkler, Barry

Eggy’s opinion: Bore off about this show already.

Tyler-James-Williams

So there you go Outposters. Have fun in the comments section!

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