Like you all needed another excuse to see this movie.

The only thing in the world worse than reggae and middle-aged white women at salsa dancing clubs is the bastard offspring of the two – Reggaeton!

If you want to be hip and down with the kids, as desperately and achingly hip as you can be, you cast somebody off the Internet.  A YouTuber or an Influencer, I believe children call them.

Bringing these two horrific worlds together, the Fast And Furious franchise continues its quest to add the entire world to its cast and turn it all into one giant 1980’s Coke commercial.  A singer who calls himself Ozuna has been cast in the ninth Fast & Furious film.

Why is he wearing sunglasses indoors?

He has over 25 million YouTube subscribers and many of his videos chart near or even above 1 billion views.  So like us after a new Star Wars trailer (we wish!).

According to Wikipedia, Ozuna has won five Billboard Music Awards, 12 Billboard Latin Music Awards and six Latin American Music Awards for his music.  We must ask our resident Mexican what all that means but he’s gone AWOL.  If anyone has seen him can you send him back?  We miss him.  Maybe this will summon him:


Justin Lin is directing the feature, now in production. Fast & Furious 9 – Is This Shit Still Going? is set for a May 22nd, 2020 release.