I love a good musical, from the original Music Man to Little Shop of Horrors to The Greatest Showman. I made a video about how much I love Dr. Horrible’s Sing-along Blog. I’m a sucker for a good tune. I thought I would try the new version of Cinderella and here’s my review.

I’m not going to put a spoiler tag anywhere, because you know the story and there’s nothing in this movie to spoil… there are a few changes and they’re all for the worse.

It stars Camila Cabello, Billy Porter, Nicholas Galitzine, Idina Menzel, Pierce Brosnan, Minnie Driver and a few British comedians who I’ve lost a lot of respect for.

It’s a new female director Kay Cannon, who also wrote it. Her writing credits are a little more impressive, as she is known for episodes of 30 Rock and the Pitch Perfect movies.

The Cast

I’ve heard of Cabello, who plays Cinderella, I know she’s a ‘popular singer’, but I couldn’t name any of her songs, I’m not into modern pop. She’s a attractive and she can sing, but that’s about it. I didn’t think she was good enough to hold up a movie on her own. Her acting was average, at best, and her voice dubbing of the songs wasn’t that great.

The prince, Galitzine, I’ve never heard of. He’s been in some other teen musicals, but I haven’t seen any of them. He was OK, but couldn’t dub and we’ll get into his character in a bit.

Billy Porter was just annoying! He was just OTT as the Fabulous Godmother. Fortunately his was only in about 10 minutes of the movie, which made me laugh, they made a big deal about him in the advertising and then use him for literally one scene.

Cinderella

There is a group of British comedians and as I said, I’m pretty annoyed with them. James Corden was funny in Gavin & Stacey, but now he’s pretty annoying. I loved (past tense) James Acaster, his stand up is excellent and I really would have loved to see him live, but now… meh. The others are the same, I used to like them, but this was embarrassing.

Just to mention that Brosnan should stay the hell away from musicals! I like him, I liked his Bond, but between this and Mamma Mia, it’s just awful.

The Story

There are a few little changes in the story and they are all for the worse. It’s set in Ye Old England, although the accents suggest otherwise. From the opening, the movie sets out that it’s all inclusive: You have every person from every corner of the world living in Old England… I’m pretty sure I saw a Maori at one point.

Trying to be more inclusive is one thing, but I have an issue when it’s forced down my throat! It’s a movie that ‘ticks all the boxes’. There’s even a moment where it’s mentioned about how much is spent on war and it’s only the catapult makers that are war profiteers.

I also have an issue when the movie very clearly sets out that women are amazing and men are stupid!

All the men in the movie are clichés. The prince is a complete bell end! A young, stupid kid who goes hunting, gets drunk with his friends and is an embarrassment to his father. There was nothing charming about him at all. The prince has male friends, all of them are idiot suck ups.

The king, played by Brosnan, was powerful, never listens to women, and an OTT oppressive father who could have been written by a 5 year old.

The other male players are the British comedians I mentioned before and played for ‘laughs’, which is ironic, since it’s the first time I’ve seen them not make me laugh.

However, the women are all strong, powerful and to be looked up to!

Cinderella is just Cinderella, apart from the end. * Mild spoiler * she doesn’t want to marry the prince, she wants to open her own dress shop and not have to rely on a man to provide for her.

 

The mother and the step sisters are bog standard. There was a back story to the mother, but it was nothing worth mentioning.

Another addition to the story was the prince’s sister, who is much smarter, much more of a leader and eventually takes up the rule of the kingdom as the prince goes to off with Cinders to sponge off her dress business.

The movie is incredibly woke from start to finish.

The Songs

This part really annoyed me. There are some wonderful original songs in here, very catchy and well done. As I said, I’m a sucker for a good tune and I found myself happily toe tapping away.

There is a town crier who helps explain some of the story details along and he raps it all, but I liked this, it added a modern twist to things and again, the songs were well written.

However, they also butcher some classics, like Queen’s Somebody to Love, Single Ladies by Beyonce and Sweet Dreams by Eurythmics. I thought this was a cop-out, since the original songs were good, but they couldn’t be bothered to write a full set. They just used some classics to fill the time and hopefully pluck on some nostalgia heart strings.

Overall

I’m torn by the movie. Cinderella didn’t need a remake, but it could have been really good. If they had given it to a more experienced director, it could have been good. If you left out all of the woke crap, it could have been really good. If they’d stop pandering to every blue tick on Twitter, it could have been great.

I liked some of the songs, but the cast was average, the direction was average and they updated it too much, to pander to everyone…even though there are still going to be people who are offended by it, in one way or another.

If you have kids, who have posters of Cabello on their wall, I’m sure they will like this, but I’m going to say, if you are over 8 years old, don’t expect much. I probably would watch this again, but only when it’s on TV at Christmas and I’m in a food coma and slightly drunk.

Cinderella

Disclaimer: The movies doesn’t get anywhere near this good!

Cinderella is now streaming on Amazon.

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