One of our Outposters, Why Would You Post That? has contributed a memory. A very special memory. He went to White Palace and found it ain’t no burger joint.

One Christmas, Long Ago…

In 1990 director Luis Mandoki made his cinematic debut with this little slice of sauce based on the novel by Glenn Savan. The story is quite simple. Max Baron is a 27 year old Jewish widower working in an advertising job that’s crushing his soul. Nora is a 43 year old waitress at a downturn burger joint. By a weird quirk of fate their paths cross and despite all the differences in age, social background and religion – nothing gives them greater pleasure than shagging the absolute sh*t out of each other.

But as always in these sorts of tales – the course of true love never runs smoothly… blah blah blah…

Oh who cares? If you’re gonna watch this none of that matters. You’ll spend the first half hour or so trying to readjust your pants and shifting uncomfortably in your seat. I don’t recommend watching it unless you’re on a promise for the evening.

If you’re watching it alone may I strongly suggest getting some lotion. Failing that, notify the plastic surgery department at your local hospital that a major case of palm related friction burns is due later in the evening.

Susan Sarandon’s Nora Baker is quite something in this movie. Yeah her apartment’s a mess, yeah she drinks like a fish and smokes like a chimney. Yeah she listens to weird country assed folk rock. But she also very kindly wakes her lovers up with early morning blow-jobs. So she’s a keeper for sure.

Her brazen borderline nymphomania is extremely pleasant and very watchable.

Frankly – if this was real life and I was Max Baron – I’d need an operation to remove the smile from my face.

When this movie was released it was compared to films like Pretty Woman and The Graduate. As great as those films are though, they won’t have you locked in a room for two days straight working on your forearm muscles.

So this movie is great for fitness and hand-eye coordination. Especially if you’re attempting to operate a remote control at the same time. Of course, there’s a very real danger of dehydration so I recommend having plenty of mineral water dotted around. Failing that, just hook yourself up to an IV drip and you’re good to go.

There is some social drama worked into the sleaziness somewhere so I’d recommend closely studying the DVD menu working out what bits you need to fast forward through to get to the reasons why you’re really watching the movie.

If you care about the plot – there are some astute observations about class and stuff. You could walk away from the experience stroking your… erm… chin.

Should any of the filmmakers who worked on this production are reading, I’d really like to thank you from the bottom of my heart. And especially Susan Sarandon. You see, I first saw this on Christmas Eve when I was 16. It was the BBC One movie for the night.

It led to me having one great f*cking Christmas and that is something for which I’ll always be grateful. And I hardly even noticed the hand cramps.