Howdy Outposters, I’ve just got home from watching Avatar: Way Of Water at the cinema and I have a little review for you. Yes I know we’ve had two already, one from PoopyPants who gave it 4 stars, and one from Jobiwan82 who gave it 2 stars. So let’s have a rubber match and see if we can balance it out.

Avatar Angry

Technically Brilliant And Beautiful

I’m not going to cover old ground and bore off forever because frankly, this movie doesn’t deserve any more of my time. The fact it took Cameron 13 years and THIS is the result, suggests to me that perhaps Jimbo has run out of ideas.

That’s right heathens, this film is all style over substance. Visually it looks incredible and from a technical point of view, it truly is a remarkable achievement. I will even go as far as to say that it is quite possibly the most effective use of 3D technology I have ever witnessed. 

Avatar_Scene

Gone are the cliche tropes of things flying out of the screen in order to try and garner from you a reactionary head swerve – that frankly never worked anyway. Instead, 3D is used more subtly to give depth to the environment. At times, it genuinely felt like things were floating into the audience. 

Perhaps if anything, maybe in 10 years or so, we’ll look back at Avatar: Way Of Water as the film that broke the mould and introduced us to a futuristic cinema experience using hologram tech, as we saw in Blade Runner 2049 with Elvis.

Avatar_Elvis

The Story

It’s absolute toilet. Nothing really happens that keeps you on the edge of your seat. It’s a mixture of rehashed scenes from Avatar, only swapped from jungle creatures to sea creatures. One scene in particular is of Jake’s son escaping from a sea predator. It’s practically shot for shot the same as when Jake escapes from that slimy panther thing from the first one.

Neytiri spends the entire movie growling or crying. Look, nobody looks good crying but fucking hell, there was a hell of a lot of ugly blue bitch on the screen shedding tears. 

Avatar_Bitch

Sigourney Weaver’s new character, Kiri is more often than not, on the brink of becoming the new bestest Avatar evaar. Thankfully Cameron doesn’t go full-on Rey Palpatine (she’s not a Skywalker) but there was one bumhole-clenching moment when I couldn’t help but let out an audible scoff.

Other than that, nothing extraordinary happens. As Drunken Yoda mentioned on the Livestream yesterday, Cameron has replicated scenes from all his previous movies for this film.

I’m not sure they are meant to be self-indulgent memberberries, or he’s just hoping audiences won’t realize, but it’s littered with “Oh look, that happened in The Abyss”, or “Hold up, that’s straight from True Lies”, or even “Oh fuck off already, is the T1000 turning up next!”.

I Wish I Didn’t See You

I actually nodded off twice – once when it felt like I was watching a training montage from Rocky IV but with Blue Jake and Blue Quaritch getting ready for the final showdown that was coming a whole 2 hours later in the movie… urgh.

The other time, James was subjecting the audience to another 15 minutes of underwater sequences to feed his ego at how pretty he made everything look.

Add to the mix the fact that blue and green Avatars are able to have a full-on conversation with sea creatures, by the way, the whale ones are capable of writing songs, philosophizing, and having laws, Avatar: The Way Of Water was pretty much fucking ridiculous.

Avatar_Shades

Check back every day for new content at Last Movie Outpost 
To like us on Facebook Click Here
To follow us on Twitter Click Here
See our YouTube channel Click Here