Hey gang Eric here! This isn’t a FLIMABLES it’s just a regular flim review. Mom was supposed to get me some new Lunchables today but I couldn’t get her to wake up from her nap.

The movie I watched was the 1992 smash hit Miracle Beach directed by Skott Snider yes I spelled that right. Starring an all star studded cast includes Dean Cameron, Ami Dolnez, Pat Mortita, Dean Cain, Alexis Arquette, and Martin Mull!

Dean Cameron plays a person named Scotty. He likes his friends. The Beach. And his girl friend. He may not be the most hand some guy on the beach but he has a good heart. We can relate to Scotty because he wants what every man in the world wants. To make love to a porfessional model.

Then one day tradegy struck Scotty out of no where. He came home from work early to find his girl friend naked in bed with his boss from work! After that he found him self homeless AND job less.

Ami Dolnez plays Jeannie the Genie lives in Heaven with Santa Claus and midgets. Until one day her district manager Billy Joel ordered her to go down to Earth and do some good deeds for someone. That was when Scotty found her magic bottle and his luck finally started to chang.

And what a beauty she is! I have a very hard time believing some one as pretty as her has a monkey for a father. If that were true why aren’t her arms longer? She’s perfectly porportioned.

Scotty wasn’t too borken up about losing (add girl friend’s name later) because he had his eye on Dana, the sexy woman from the hair shampoo commercial. He saw her at a party and tried to talk to her but she was not intertested. I have to give him credit for trying though. His confidence reminded me of my self. I don’t know if you know this but I used to date a SEARS model. We did stuff too.

Genie was happy to grant unlitmited wishes for Scotty but there was one thing she could not do. Make poeple fall in love. But she could help Scotty impress Dana so she would fall for him on her own.

The fist opportunity to do that was at the beach. Dana was watching hot guys play volley ball so he challenged one of them to a game. That’s when the epic show down between Dean Cameron and Dean Cain took place. With his shirt off you could see why they picked him to be Superman. The other Dean kept his shirt on and there’s nothing wrong with that I keep my shirt on at the beach too.

Dean chose a friend to be on his team and Scotty picked a fat kid we never see again in the flim. The battle was brutal. Every athelete gave their all. Their blood sweat and tiers. But there can be only one winner and the winner was Dean. If there is a top ten all time greatest sports scenes in movies list this needs to be on it. Sorry Tom Cruise. This is how it’s done.

Scotty did not use his wishes selfishy. When he saw homeless Pat Mortita he did not hesitate to help him out. He tried to give him ten thousand dollars in cash but Pat refused. He didn’t want charity. He wanted to earn his money. So Scotty gave him a job at the up scale beach resort he commanded Jeannie to create out of thin air. Truly heroic and inspiring… If only Schindler had been able to find a genie bottle imagine how much better off the world would be today.

Questions of morality is a recurring theme through out this flim. For example…. if Scotty used Jeannie’s powers to influence Dana into wanting to sleep with Scotty…. is that a form of sexual assault?

Fortunately he didn’t peternate her.

Then the unexpected happened. Jeannie realized she had feelings for Scotty! The screen writers totally caught me off guard with this M Night Shamalalayman caliber twist. Kudos to them I say!

And there’s no better way to win a guy than by putting on a biniki. So that’s what Jeannie does. Then she wins the Hot Babe Contest.

There’s also an intense chase at the end with Scotty’s friends trying to stop him from turning Jeannie in to a real girl.

Lucky for Scotty he was able to get to Jeannie in time before midnight. He told her he loved her. She said it back. And then she became a real girl. And Pat Mortita? Well he turned out to be Billy Joel the whole time.

********SPOILERS AHEAD********

I highly recommend Miracle Beach. Director Skott Snider delivered a masterpiece here. Now that I’ve seen it I can under stand why poeple cornsider it to be The Princess Bride of the 1990’s. It’s basically a perfect flim. Five stars.

Keep it cool,
Eric Stoltz Junior

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