It is glorification of witchcraft and you should all be ashamed of yourselves! Yet even I, the most reverend Reverend, understands that Halloween is a big day in your inexplicably wicked calendars. You worship candy and tricks, when you should be worshipping the Goddess.

Once more the foul stench of your sin rises, and you really should consider opening a window, before it starts to smell like my rent-by-the-hour hotel room in Patpon Street, Bangkok hardest working ministry in the slums of Bangladesh.


As this most wicked of days dawns across the world, the Goddess grows hungry once more, ready to feast on your sins. This Halloween she knows there will be plenty, as white women grow crazed on pumpkin spice latte and dress as sexy serial killers the world over, while small children, turbo charged on Haribo, bring costumed chaos to every neighborhood.


Today’s confession aligns with this heinous, satanic day, you filthy sinners. Our Confession Booth is spread, wide open, once more as we prepare to judge you for your cinematic sins and cleanse your dirty, disgusting souls. This Halloween, we want to know:

Have you ever been genuinely scared by a movie? Which movie?

This Halloween, you must confess. CONFESS!


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