Once more the witching hour approaches, and you debase yourselves in your celebration of those sinners! A night of sin when you celebrate those that have turned from the light and the stench of your shame once more fills the air. This year, as every year, it will fall upon me, the most reverend Reverend to guide you back to the light.
There is but one path back to salvation. One way to cleanse your soul. You must confess and beg the Goddess Gal Gadot for forgiveness. She is waiting to judge you. To purge you of the Halloween stain on your very existence today we will feast on your fear and grow fat. Confess to your terror, confess to your cowardice, confess to your requiring a change of underwear!
What movie still scares you to this day?
Are you still unable to complete The Exorcist? Does The Evil Dead still make you hide behind your fetid sofa, sweating and shaking like a Austin webmaster confronted by a set of stairs? Does Jaws still keep you from the ocean? Does The Blair Witch Project still ruin every walk in the woods you try to take? Has An American Werewolf In London kept you out of porno theaters since the early 1980s?
Your very existence shall be unburdened by the confession of your fears. Nobody will point and laugh as this is the internet and you are among friends. Meanwhile the Goddess Gal Gadot waits in judgment.
Now… I really must go and have some alone time in the vestry. As for the rest of you… confess. CONFESS!